So….My name is Liz. Im 29 years old and I have a 6 year old daughter. Wait? At what age did my young adult life come to a complete halt when I got pregnant? Oh. Yea…That’s right I was 22. Ah, the ripe old age of 22; carefree, no bills, I could do and be whatever I wanted. I had the entire world at my fingertips. And then…it happened. With a few grunts, a lot of moans, one epidural and one giant rip to my young tight vagina…I was a mom. This now 23 year old GIRL was a mom to an even smaller more fragile human. I had no idea what I was doing. How do you bathe IT? How do you change IT? How do you feed IT? WHYYYY are my nipples raw and bleeding and my boobs hard as concrete?! These were some of the questions I had. Here we are, almost 6 years later and I still have not one single clue what I’m doing and I’m pretty sure I still have more questions than answers.
This is ultimately why I decided to blog about my experiences being a young, once married, now single mother of the most confusing, pretty sure Bi-polar, sometimes spawn of satan, sweetest most lovable girl in this entire world. I read a lot of blogs; especially anything to do with parenting. I want to know and soak up as much information as I can. Well shit, they figured IT out—why can’t I? Everything I have ever found on the web wasn’t relatable to anything in my life. Actually…it made me feel worse! How do these moms and dads have time to not only blog, but work, cook homemade- from scratch meals, find the perfect method and balance of discipline etc etc etc. All the while here I am drinking a beer as soon as I get off work, taking antidepressants, Adderall, anti-anxiety medication and muscle relaxers just to keep my head above water. Go away perfect parents!!!!
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to not (still) have a clue of what you’re doing. It’s okay to crawl in the bathroom lock the door, cry and reboot yourself. Cereal and milk is and can be dinner, sometimes you’ll fall asleep during the 100th time of Frozen and sometimes the demon seed will get you SO SO SOOO mad you’ll scream, wave your hands like an idiot and huff and puff like a big bad mom (I say this with the utmost dramatics). After you’re done acting ridiculous you’ll look into IT’s eyes and see yourself and the struggle that you’re both going through. You’ll run back to the bathroom lock the door and cry until you literally dried up your tear ducts. But, I want you to know that means…believe it or not…you’re normal. You’re a MOM or a DAD and a lot of the time it sucks. But most of all I want you moms and dads especially you single ladies and fellas out there to know it’s okay for you to have some time to yourself; go party, drink one too many, go out to dinner, take a walk. Do whatever YOU need to do so that you can come home, read between the lines and barely figure out the divinci code of parenting.
Throughout my quest of becoming the “perfect parent” through books and online articles it occurred to me that I never read about the very, very ugly side of divorce, drug addiction and domestic violence. Yes, all while trying to keep IT alive.
I want my blog to be a safe place for people to comment, chat and share their experiences. Not only will I be discussing “How Not To Parent”, but I want to share with everyone what I went through. How I came out of one situation meek, feeble, not confident, scared, marred and bruised and how I survived. But, not only survived how I found my voice, confidence and that killer IDGAF attitude. I’m me. I will make no apologies for how I keep my home or raise my kid. We’ve finally come to a place of “peace(??)” and I hope that with my stories and advice (haha) it will help you not feel so alone.
Are you ready?!
BYE BYE perfection!
I hope you’ll find my blog not only helpful but entertaining. And please chat with me, leave me questions and most of all remember this is a safe place. We are all friends here. We’re all going through the same ole BULLSHIT.
I will leave you tonight with one last final thought…although I was young and the older more mature me can look back and see that maybe at the place in my life I was, being 22 and pregnant weren’t winning combinations. But, I wouldn’t send her back (hmmm is that a real thing…note to self look into that!) or take anything away that has ever happened to me. Sometimes I may huff and puff like the “big bad mom” but she is my yellow brick road of happiness.
Peace and Love you terrible parents! xoxo